I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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