my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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