shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
