Welp...herpes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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