She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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