I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
