You're so nebulous sometimes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
