All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
honey bunches of taint.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
