Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize