Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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