just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
