Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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