Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sober January is a disaster.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
