Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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