This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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