I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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