i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
