Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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