It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
