I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
