That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
