Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize