I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my shit smells like andre
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize