look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
