I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
