the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
