thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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