nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
