i think my tv is drunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
