Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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