I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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