So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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