you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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