Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
