Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize