I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize