hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
