Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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