The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
