Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
