I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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