this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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