you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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