The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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