I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
