Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
