He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
