if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
