how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
