it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
