You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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