So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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