I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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