K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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