she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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