she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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