It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
