My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
