Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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