found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
God, I missed his penis.
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