an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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