I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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