you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so let's talk penis.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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