JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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