I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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