God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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