Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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