Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize