4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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