I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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