I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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