i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So much Jack, so little girl.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
