I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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